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2014-06-06 | 22:23:16

"I promise to love you: at 6am when you’re waking to go to work, to school, or whatever road life takes you on, and when you didn’t sleep well, your hair is a mess, and your eyes are sleepy.
at 8am when we say goodbye for the day and you’re rushing out the door with a cup of tea and your car keys in the other hand.
at 5pm when you’re exhausted from the day and people have worn you out and you feel like crying, and falling asleep and escaping from everything. I will kiss your forehead, and wrap myself in your arms.
at 10pm when you’re heading to bed, even though you won’t sleep for hours. Especially when we become a human knot wrapped up in sheets and kisses.
at 3am when loneliness and sadness do not destroy you, but consume you and when you weep without an explanation, I’ll kiss your lips softly and tell you you’re the absolute best and that things will be better soon I will love you when you grow old, and I will love you after that. I will love you if I’m no longer here. I will love you, I will love you, and I will love you. "
 
 

FEED YOUR SOUL
2014-06-05 | 03:19:31


“it’s so late and i’m terrible tired and
i have to drag my bones out of bed
in a few hours but
i can’t help thinking that
you are laying in bed 

and I'm not in your arms

where I should be

but instead I buried my head

in the memory of your smell
wondering if you know that

I think the world is a love
letter folded delicately around 
your fingertips, not yet quite opened 
and I can’t even picture

what colours would look like
if you disappeared.”


It’s scary to find someone that makes you happy. You start giving them all of your attention because they’re what makes you forget everything bad that’s going on in your life. They’re the first person you want to talk to in the morning and the last one before you sleep just so you can start and end your day with a smile. It all sounds great to have that someone, but it’s scary to think about how easily they could just leave and take that happiness away too when they go.
2014-06-01 | 16:27:00

 
Bild från igår
 
Var ute med Carina och Emma igår, blev en rätt lyckad utekväll. Började av tradition på Lion bar där jag började må jävligt dåligt, svimmade nästan för jag hade så ont i huvudet. Men efter ett par glas vatten och lite McDonald's mådde jag mycket bättre och vi drog vidare till Marquise där vi hade skitkul. Drack lite mer drinkar, dansade tills jag fick ont i rumpan och benen. Kvällen avslutades på bästa sätt, med McDonald's takeaway och fyllesnack på tunnelbanan. Åhh älskar mina tjejer ♥
 
xoxo

 


Kiss your scars back into your skin
2014-05-29 | 22:34:37

You crave salvation,
I can’t blame you for that. 
But you won’t find it in his stale words,
rehearsed and abused on his 
stagnant tongue

No, 
Your saving grace is somewhere
inside that scar tissue you’re
so desperate to peel from your body

 

I hope you look for me in everyone you meet
2014-05-19 | 17:37:00

Gaaah. Har inte känt mig som en människa idag, antagligen därför jag ser så förjävlig ut som jag gör. En natt med några få timmars sömn och man känner sig verkligen som en 80-åring påväg till skolan, haha. Har känt mig omänsklig hela dagen med en hjärna som trycker mot min panna som en jävla sten. Till råga på allt hade jag två inlämningar och ett tal i svenska nationella idag, sedan stannade jag ett litet tag på McDonalds med Kleo och Kevin, mina bröder. Så skönt att vara hemma, ska verkligen ta en liten powernap innan jag återgår till matten. xoxo

Q/A
2014-05-19 | 04:00:00

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? Yesss

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused? Taken :)))))

3: What if I told you that you were pretty? Back at ya :P

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? No

5: Are you interested in anyone right now? Of course

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week? For it to be over

7: Do you want to be single? Not at all

8: Did you go out or stay in last night? Stayed in, studied like a real Asian student

9: How late did you stay up last night? around 2-3 am

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? I guess it's right now

11: Last three things you had to drink? Water, coffee and juice

12: Have you pretended to like someone? No

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? No

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? Lol yes

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? Very, I get attached too hard

16: Think back five months ago, were you single? Yes

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? Sleepin

18: Hold hands with anyone this week? Yes :))) 

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Naah don't think so :P

20: What would you name your future daughter? Cassandra/Cassianah

21: Do you miss anyone? Always

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? Not more than three xD

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? Nooo

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? No, I can never live in denial 

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad? Many times

26: Who did you last see in person? My stepdads face

27: Are you listening to music right now? Yes, Mary J. Blige <3

28: What is something you currently want right now? I want to be done with my senior thesis

29: What is the last thing you said out lot? "Lol"

30: How is your heart lately? Better than it has been in a long time :)))

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? Lol naah too ghetto 4 me :P

32: Are you wearing socks? Yes

33: What do people call you? I don't have a nickname and it's really boring I know

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? Tonight already passed, but I really think I will tomorrow :)

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? Yes!!! My whole life is a stressy mess

36: Who did you last share a bed with? ♥♥♥

37: Did you do something bad today? No, unusual :P

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? Friday

39: Do you get stressed out easily? Yaaa

40: Will you sing today? No??? :P

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? No, I try to always be honest to myself and others

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? My closest friends or my mother

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? Nope

44: What are you listening to right now? Music

45: What is wrong with you right now? Lol everything??? Idk xDDDD

46: What is on your wrists right now? Empty

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? London

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? Cider

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11? No that's kinda lame :P

50: Are you a good artist? I wouldn't say, xD

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? Yes, this list is getting retarded

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? Not at all

53: Ever been on a golf cart? No thank God

54: Do you have trust issues? Yes, but it is getting better

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who? Yes, a former close person of mine

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic? No

57: Do you use chap stick? Every day

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Hahaha yessss 

59: Do you have a little sister? Yes, Helena <3

60: Have you ever been to New York? Unfortunately not :/

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? I'm positive

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week? Yaaaa

63: What were you doing at midnight last night? Talking on the phone

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? Sadly yes

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Maaany people

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person? Yes <3<33

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? Yes <3333333

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? Someone else!!!!

69: Will next Friday be a good one? Omg yes then all the exams will be over!!!!


BLÄÄÄÄÄÄH
2014-05-19 | 03:14:36

En sådan bullshit vecka alltså. Har fasat inför den här jävla veckan hela trean typ, sista riktiga pluggveckan och det känns förjävligt. Men ska ta mig igenom det här, på något sätt. Är så trött på att skriva uppsats efter uppsats men det är bara några kvar. Och eftersom jag ska sitta uppe några nätter i sträck, försöker jag inse den hårda sanningen; My life isn't some fucking John Green novel, no one is going to save me but my fucking self.
XOXO

Bittersweet
2014-05-19 | 01:32:00

Pratade med Kleo häromdagen om hur bittersweet avslutningen kommer att vara. Trodde aldrig jag skulle säga det, men jag kommer faktiskt sakna gymnasiet och alla människor i min klass. Känns som att vi har blivit mycket nära det här sista året, vilket jag aldrig trodde skulle hända. Men klicheér är väl sanna. Trots att vi alla är så sjukt olika så har vi ändå lärt oss på något sätt att uppskatta varandras olikheter. Jag kommer sakna alla så mycket, till och med vegetarianfeministerna och nördarna!!! I want you all!!!! Men det är så typiskt, att allt blir bättre ju närmare studenten man kommer. Självklart uppskattar man varandra mer, när man vet att man snart inte kommer att se varandra alls. 
 
Ska väl avsluta inägget innan jag blir alltför blödig. Måste komma ihåg att köpa vattenfast mascara och eyeliner inför avslutningen, för fyfan vad jag kommer böla som en stucken jävla gris. 
 
Jag och Rebecca förra veckan på vår skivmiddag, so much love ♥
xoxo

Sunday
2014-05-19 | 01:21:47

Don’t date a girl just because everyone else in the room can’t take their eyes off her, or that black dress hugs her curves perfectly. Date a girl who you think about while waiting for the subway. Who makes you want your words to sound like some pretentious asshole who sits at Starbucks all day with a laptop wrote them. Date a girl who makes you think of stargazing in the summer and hot drinks in the winter. Date a girl who makes certain moments of your life unforgettable. Don’t date a girl who if after two weeks she “won’t give it up” to you. Don’t date a girl who if after 6 months won’t give it up. Date a girl who you will wait till the ends of the earth ‘til she’s ready, a girl who you will gladly light the candles for. Date a girl who you will do anything to get that smile that melts your heart. Don’t date a girl who you’re dependent on. Date a girl who makes you more dependent on yourself to be better.
 
xoxoxxx
 
 

“As humans, we ruin everything we touch, including each other”
2014-05-18 | 21:11:00

I don’t mind getting naked or seeing you naked. 
I don’t mind talking about sex or having sex 
or never having sex. I don’t mind my body 
or your body with mine. I don’t mind 
your sweaty palms, your chapped lips, 
your dirty tongue. I don’t mind 
your noisy music, your crappy poetry, 
your soiled shoes and ugly handwriting. 
I don’t mind 2ams and late night 
phone calls, stolen kisses and white lies. 
I don’t mind your half-eaten donut, 
frozen teabags and sticky hair. 
I want your toothbrush’s head 
leaning towards mine. I want
your 4am back massage. 
Cup my breasts and don’t say 
they’re small. I already know that. 
Kiss me once and kiss me more. 
Pretend what we’re doing is illegal. 
It’s always good to be caught 
with our mouths tied together 
like handcuffs. Dry your cheeks 
and make me bleed. 

Crave me. 
Crave me. 
Crave me.
 
At the end of the day, I hope you crave me as much as I crave you.”

Lately
2014-05-17 | 16:13:26









Bara några få bilder som sammanfattar mina senaste veckor. Så mycket kärlek och underbara människor jag är omringad av, kunde inte vara mer glad eller tacksam över dessa. xxxx

So happy
2014-05-08 | 16:50:00

Update: Precis som att våren gör vardagen lite ljusare, känns det som att mitt liv också har blivit ljusare på senaste tiden. Har varit alldeles för upptagen med att leva livet istället för att blogga. Äta ute, träffa mina underbara vänner, gått ut på skivor och festat... så mycket kärlek. Jag är kär i livet och jag är kär i alla fina människor omkring mig. 
 
Sommaren är snart här och jag ska bara plugga det sista, sedan är jag redo för värme och längre nätter. 
xoxo

Mösspåtagning
2014-05-04 | 16:38:43

Foto
Foto
Foto: my main squeeze
Hade mösspåtagning i onsdags med dessa fina människor. Kan knappt fatta att vi snart är där, studenten är alldeles runt hörnet! Är ändå lite rädd för att tagga eftersom jag fortfarande har mycket att göra. Sista skolmånaden är alltid hemsk, men jag ska klara det här. Ska återgå till pluggandet nu, vi hörs xxx

Hopeless but still hoping
2014-05-03 | 17:04:09

"I like to think that nothing’s final, and that everyone gets to be together even when it looks like they don’t, that it all works out even when all the evidence seems to say something else, that you and I are always young in the woods, and that I’ll see you sometime again, even if it’s not with any kind of eyes I know of or understand. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the way things go after all - that all things end happy."
― Tiger Lily (Jodi Lynn Anderson)
 

I can't remember to forget you
2014-03-26 | 03:24:11

I keep forgetting I should let you go
But when you look at me, the only memory,
is us kissing in the moonlight
 
 
I love this song so much, and these three lines are so relevant right now.

Helen Bai, 18 år.

Har mina rötter i Kina men är född i Stockholm. Studerar just nu sista året på Kungsholmens gymnasium, internationella samhällslinjen.

I min blogg kan ni följa mitt liv, där jag blandar min vardag med mina intressen såsom ytligheter, tankar och djupa funderingar. Välkommen!